Reflections on 2022
Holy shit 2022 I can’t believe you’re really over—what an absolutely insane year it has been!
I’ll always remember this very vivid dream I had in 2021 not long before the new year. I was swinging on a swing set in the pitch black and the only light I could see was from the billions of bright twinkling stars that filled the entire night sky. There were shooting stars everywhere and what felt like not a single dark space in the sky that wasn’t filled with light. I remember feeling a sense of immense awe, as if I had entered into a whole new realm. I started swinging really high with absolutely no effort, like I was almost being lifted, and got so high that I was swinging above the top of the swing set and making loops around it. I felt childlike, filled up with joy and laughter and was having the absolute best time of my life swinging in the night sky and feeling like I couldn’t have been more connected than in that moment. As I’m swinging I remember a voice or something or other coming into my mind and telling me 2022 was going to be a good year.
I’ve held that dream close to my heart throughout this past year and have tried to remind myself that the deep connection and feeling of anything is possible I felt amongst those stars is real and is never too far out of reach.
So, yes the dream was right, 2022 has been a really good year. It’s also been one of the most challenging years of my life and I’ve been pushed and really put to the test in more ways than I can even count. It’s been a fucking lot, I’ll just say that. But this is the year that I decided I’m not going to just keep dreaming about all the things I want to do in my life, I actually made a plan and I fucking did it. Like whoa who even am I?!
In reflecting on this past year I decided to make a list of all the things I’m proud of. I thought it would make sense to write 22 things I’m proud of in 2022, but then thought it might be hard to come up with 22 things. Once I started writing I came up with 50, fucking 50. So here’s my list:
First up is finally putting my blog out into the world, yay! It was around this time last year that I was putting the finishing touches on my site and writing my first post and now here I am, still here! I didn’t write on my blog nearly as much as I would have liked this past year but I’m just proud that I haven’t abandoned it and that I keep coming back to it no matter how much time has passed.
Deciding to take a trip to Savannah just because it’s somewhere I wanted to go and committing to going whether or not anyone went with me. My dad ended up going with me, but that is besides the point, I was set on going and I wasn’t letting anyone or anything stand in my way!
Trusting my intuition and not starting a new job that I felt wasn’t going to be right for me. Looking back I’m so grateful for that decision because I have no idea if I’d be where I am right now if I would have followed through.
Working through some really tough and uncomfortable realizations about my relationship with myself and who I am. Oof that ones going to be a lifelong process.
Setting firmer boundaries with people in my life and not letting them treat me the same way they always have. Those old patterns just ain’t working for me anymore!
Staying sober all damn year long! Woohoo! This is a really big one and I plan on writing about my decision to not drink anymore more in the future.
Going to a concert for the first time by myself and having the time of my fucking life! RHCP for life baby.
Renting a car for the first time and then renting two more cars not long after and not getting a single scratch on any of them.
Driving in San Francisco by myself for the first time and not having a panic attack.
Driving in LA by myself for the first time. I felt like I could pretty much conquer anything after surviving the LA freeways and finding a parking spot in Koreatown after a literal hour of driving around looking.
Figuring out a way to get myself to Detroit for a trip that had been planned for almost a year despite having my car window shatter the night before and feeling like everything was falling apart.
Taking myself to the Detroit Institute of Arts and getting to see original Vincent Van Gogh paintings.
Making the decision to leave everything familiar and comfortable behind and taking the leap into the complete unknown—moving to Vietnam!
Telling my family about my plans for Vietnam. There are so many things I had to do that came along with the decision to move to Vietnam but I feel like each one deserves its own spot on the list because none of them were easy by any means.
Actually booking the flights. This step was huge!
Completing my TEFL certificate.
Taking care of all the logistics and random things I had to do that I never would have even thought of before and were more than frustrating at times.
Finding a good home for my cat Taco—this has to be the hardest part of all of 2022.
Saying goodbye to a job I knew I was not meant to be at any longer.
Getting myself on that airplane.
Navigating the hell that is LAX. Seriously that airport sucks.
Going back to my hometown for the first time in three years and working through all the nostalgia and complicated emotions that came with it.
Staying in a hostel by myself for the first time. Then staying in several more hostels by myself after that.
Going on a tour in DTLA and meeting another solo female traveler.
Sneaking up to the top floors of the Hotel Roosevelt in Hollywood to see where Marilyn Monroe stayed and not getting caught.
Making it to the end of Route 66 sign at the Santa Monica Pier—a place I’ve been wanting to make it to for a long time and it felt surreal to be there.
Navigating the strange and humid new land I had found myself in landing in Hanoi and getting myself to my hotel with a new sim card and local currency despite not knowing the language and not knowing what on earth I was doing.
Coming to Vietnam with only what I could carry on my back.
Learning to cross the street in the insane Hanoi traffic without getting hit by a motorbike.
Getting on the back of a Grab motorbike for the first time.
Finding myself an apartment that I love.
Trying new foods without knowing what they are.
Going on multiple new friend dates.
Finding a workout studio with yoga classes I love not far from my apartment.
Interviewing for teaching jobs and planning and delivering lessons despite no prior teaching experience.
Finding a teaching job that is best suited for what I need and want despite a lot of challenges and struggles to get there.
Going to a casting call for an acting job and singing and dancing in front of a bunch of strangers and making a total fool of myself. They asked me to sing any song I wanted and all I could come up with was Happy Birthday, yeah it sucked.
Going to Ha Long Bay with a girl I had just met.
Surviving the worst food poisoning of my life in Bangkok and figuring out how to get myself drinkable water so I didn’t die of dehydration and getting myself back to Hanoi safely without having to go to the hospital.
Getting myself to the airport and on the plane the second time I got food poisoning about a month after the first and just hours before my flight to Chiang Mai. My Grab driver was literally calling me because he was there to pick me up as I had my head in the toilet. It was a miserable travel day but there was no way I could miss that flight. Just another one of the many ways 2022 has really tested me.
Navigating the language barrier and attempting to speak Vietnamese despite the risk of mispronunciation and sounding stupid.
Staying in a mixed dorm room in a hostel for the first time. I still feel a lot more comfortable and prefer female only dorms but I won’t let a mixed dorm being the only option prevent me from booking a place I want to stay at anymore.
Going on an adventure to meet elephants in Thailand and being the only solo traveler there amongst a bunch of couples.
Having a spa day on Christmas with a girl I’d never met before.
Not relying on anyone else financially.
Not being too scared or embarrassed about going out to eat alone.
Taking myself to new neighborhoods or cafes and reminding myself that new experiences are what gives me the greatest thrill in life.
Reading more books that inspire me.
Learning to trust myself and my inner strength and power.
What I’m most proud of this year is that despite so many challenges, frustrations, deep loneliness, depression, grief, homesickness and many moments where I wanted to just scream “are you fucking kidding me?!” or crawl into a safe little ball and never leave my apartment again—I’ve never given up. I’ve done whatever I had to do to keep myself alive to see another day and keep on fighting. I knew that the only thing that would be harder than to keep going forward would be going back to how things were before, and that just isn’t an option I even want to consider anymore.
So that’s my list of the 50 things I’m proud of in 2022. I could have never imagined being where I am right now a year ago and I feel so insanely grateful and lucky to be where I’m at and for all the growth and strength that 2022 has brought me. I had never even stayed in a hotel room by myself before this year and now I live in a country I’d never been to before and knew almost nothing about before moving. To the younger me in all the years prior sitting on the couch and dreaming and wishing of traveling and wondering what it would be like living abroad, well you’re really doing it now, I’m so proud of you!
I have so much curiosity and anticipation about all that 2023 will bring and I’m just so interested in seeing how it will unfold. I have a feeling it’s going to be a year of a lot more challenges, growth, new experiences, and getting my ass kicked a time or two...or three or four, but that is sort of what I signed up for when I decided I no longer wanted to live my life sitting in the bleachers. I’ve been laying out the groundwork to prepare me for whatever this next year will bring and I know that no matter how hard it gets that I’m not going to give up on myself.