12 Life Lessons from a Year Living Abroad

This time last year I was getting ready to board the plane at LAX that would take me to the other side of the world where I would begin my new life. I arrived at the airport about four hours early, not wanting to take a single chance of missing my flight.

For reasons unbeknownst to me, I somehow felt really calm and at ease that day. I had done absolutely everything I could possibly do to prepare—I had the universal adapter, I made extra copies of all my documents, I bought a new travel backpack designed to meet international carry on requirements, I made all the arrangements, I crossed the items off my to do list, I did all the research. All there was left for me to do was get on that plane and be open to whatever the world had in store for me next.

I knew my life would never be the same again but I really couldn’t imagine all that would happen in the year to come. All I knew was that I had to go find out. It’s been an absolutely wild year to say the least and I made a list of 12 lessons I’ve learned in this past year of living abroad, one lesson for each month.

1. I’m More Resilient Than I Ever Thought Possible

I’ve overcome the scariest food poisoning of my life where I didn’t leave my hostel for six days straight. I got extremely sick from pollution and couldn’t even regulate my own body temperature. I’ve had to spend thousands of dollars on legal documents. I quit a job and got laid off from another. I experienced crippling anxiety, depression, loneliness, and homesickness. I went back and forth between loving and loathing my new home more times than I can count.

More than once I had no idea where my next paycheck was coming from or if I’d be able to pay my rent the next month. My god, at one point I even googled “how to sell feet pics”. I never did follow through on that one, sorry boys. I’ve spent nights feeling utterly lost and sobbing on the floor, wondering what the hell I’m doing here and what this is all for. I’ve experienced so much uncertainty and times when I didn’t have a clue what my life might look like a month or a week from now.

Despite often not being able to see an end to my suffering, somehow I’ve still gotten myself up each day and figured out a way to keep going. I’ve always been able to pay my rent on time, I’ve never had to go hungry, I’ve survived all the illnesses I’ve encountered, I’ve always found another job to support myself, I’ve continued to put myself out into the world despite the risk of being rejected or being judged. I couldn’t have ever imagined how much I would go through in this first year of living abroad but I most definitely never could have imagined how strong and empowered I would become because of it.

2. I’m Happiest When I’m Traveling

Well, this is something I’ve pretty much always known about myself, but this past year has most definitely confirmed that belief. Walking around a city I’ve never been to before, trying new foods, listening to conversations in different languages, getting to see how people from other parts of the world live, it just fills me with more joy and gratitude than I can ever describe. I want to spend the rest of my life getting to travel.

The cutest baby elephant in the mountains of northern Thailand

3. Learning a New Language is Fun

I wouldn’t exactly describe the Vietnamese language as beautiful and it definitely isn’t easy, but it sure as hell is fun to learn. I’ve never attempted to learn a new language with much seriousness but living in a country where I can practice all day makes it so much more fun. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of saying ối giời ơi (oh my god) or calling out em ơi in a cafe when I’m ready to order.

4. I Don’t Know if I Can Live in America Again

It pains me to say this because obviously so many of my loved ones are back home in America and the thought of only seeing them once a year or less makes me really sad. But the longer I live overseas the more difficult it becomes for me to envision myself moving back home and being able to feel…well, happy.

When you’ve only lived one way your whole life it’s almost impossible to imagine that another way is possible until you actually move to another country with a completely different culture and realize that there is another way. I’ve learned that you don’t have to live your life in a way that just doesn’t feel right for you just because our culture tells us there’s only one right way and anything outside of that doesn’t hold any real value.

Almost everyday I think about how lucky and grateful I am that I now live in a place where I’m able to afford a lifestyle that would have completely broke the bank back home. I’m able to take trips, eat out all the time, get my nails done, get massages, go to workout classes, have a nice apartment, and just can just go do fun things without having to put much thought into whether it’s a good idea or not.

Not to mention living in Vietnam is just fun. There’s always something to see or do here, a new cafe to check out, an art exhibit to wander around, a new neighborhood to grab food in, a street you’ve never walked down before. Seriously the options are endless here, I feel like a kid in a candy shop most of the time.

I’d only have similar options available to me if I lived in a city like New York or San Francisco and, well, we all know it isn’t very practical having to spend half your paycheck on rent. I could go on about all the ways I think Vietnam is awesome and America sucks but truth is one country isn’t better than the other, they are just different. They both have major advantages and disadvantages and, at least for right now, the kind of different that Vietnam has to offer is what’s working for me.

5. We Don’t Have Control Over Much of Anything

This has been a really tough lesson for me and I know will continue to be something I’ll have to constantly remind myself of the rest of my life. It’s true though, and it’s honestly relieving once you come to the realization that clinging on to a false sense of control over everything is only making you more miserable. Once you let go of the need to control and predict every little thing you’re able to actually enjoy how things are in the present moment and feel empowered by the things that you do have control over. It’s takes much less work to let whatever’s meant to happen just happen then focus on the best way to respond.

6. Somehow Things Always Work Out

Sometimes I really don’t see how on earth they will, but somehow someway, they always do. When I got severe food poisoning in Bangkok I didn’t see how I would ever feel like a normal human ever again. But with the help from the staff at my hostel bringing me water and toast everyday, rescheduling my flight, and laying in the fetal position for six days, eventually I got myself back to Hanoi and ate more than one piece of toast per day again.

I quit the first job that I had when I moved here and then spent the next couple months depressed and anxious and waiting for instructions on what to do about my visa situation. It was an absolutely awful and uncertain time and I had no idea when I’d start to feel okay again. But I got a new job, I got a new visa, I started building a routine, and I was earning money again.

Several months later I got laid off from that job completely unexpectedly and was back in the same position I was in not too long before and was left wondering what the hell I was going to do now. I’m sure you can guess what happened next—I got a new job, I got a new visa, and somehow someway everything worked out exactly the way it was meant to.

Even though it’s really hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel when we’re deep in the dark, that light always comes through eventually. Often times it can look completely different and even better than we could have ever pictured.

7. Living in a New Country Won’t Make Your Problems Go Away

I truly wish I could report back that the rumors are true, you really do leave all your problems behind as soon as you step foot in a new country. But the truth is geography doesn’t work like that. Whatever issues you’ve been avoiding working through at home aren’t just going to magically vanish on the plane ride.

I really believed that I would suddenly become the person I’ve always dreamed of being as soon as I moved to Vietnam and then after awhile I noticed that I was doing the exact same shit I did back home. I mean of course I was, I wasn’t actually making a real effort to do anything differently. You know how the saying goes, nothing changes if nothing changes. And another favorite saying of mine—wherever you go there your annoying ass is.

I will say however, there is a something about making the decision to completely change your life as you know it and move to foreign country that does forever change you. No matter how long you may stay or how different you may feel, you will not be the same person you were before you left, that’s a guarantee.

I would also like to add that even though, yes, you will still have the same baggage you did back home if you don’t work through it—sometimes being miserable on a beach in Indonesia is a lot better than being miserable in a tiny apartment in the freezing cold winter. There may be some places to live that make life just a little bit easier and give you more space and time to work through the issues you’ve been avoiding.

8. Romantic Relationships Aren’t Always the Answer to Loneliness

Goodness gracious even as I’m writing this I’m cringing because this is such a hard truth to grapple with. I know for so many of us that when we’re feeling lonely we immediately get on the dating apps to get a quick hit of the attention we’re craving. We’ve all done it, it’s just too easy not to and in the moment it feels good to feel desired. But it doesn’t give the true connection and intimacy that you’re probably craving.

Many times in my life I’ve thought that I’m feeling lonely because I don’t have a boyfriend right now and a romantic relationship is the only thing that can give me that feeling I’m missing. Unfortunately, our culture really reinforces that belief too.

Maybe romantic relationships aren’t the answer to loneliness but cats definitely are

If you tell someone you’ve been feeling lonely it seems like no one asks if you’re making an effort to connect with yourself and the people who really love and care about you. They usually ask if you’ve been putting yourself out there to find a relationship. But the former is so much more important and effective at making you feel less lonely than swiping endlessly on the apps.

As hard of a truth it is, if you’re not feeling good about yourself and your life when you’re single you’re not going to feel whole and complete when you get into a relationship. If anything it’s going to make the relationship even more strife with insecurities and complications.

9. People Are Good

The more I travel and the more people I meet the more strongly I believe this to be true. Every once in a while you might encounter someone who cares about your money more than your wellbeing, but the number of people who do care and want to help far outnumber the ones who don’t. No matter where I find myself there seems to always be a grandma who’s pulling out a chair for me, a neighbor who helps me ask everyone on the street if they have any smaller money to exchange, or a girl who offers to take pictures of me when I’m traveling by myself. If you think of yourself as a good person who is always willing to help someone in need, there’s no reason to think that other people aren’t the same way.

10. I’m Incredibly Privileged

To be able to move to a different country and get a good job just because I happen to be born in a country that speaks English is an immense privilege. In actuality, it’s often less about whether you’re a native English speaker or not and more about the color of your skin. To happen to be both white and English speaking means I have a lot more opportunities available to me that I didn’t do anything to earn.

I never gave too much thought about how privileged I am to have an American passport, one of the strongest passports you can have, until moving to Vietnam and having people tell me how many hoops and loops they have to jump through to get a visa to visit the United States. To get into Vietnam all I had to do was fill out a pretty straight forward application online and pay a small processing fee then received my visa by email a few days later. It was that simple.

As an American, most countries in the world are quite accessible to me because of my nationality. For many countries I just have to show up with my passport and don’t even need to apply for a visa ahead of time, but that definitely isn’t the case for the vast majority of people all over the world. Whether you are traveling around or living in a country that isn’t your own, it’s important to keep in mind that the ability to do that is a massive privilege that many people aren’t given.

11. Be a Tourist in Your Own City

No matter what city we live in, after awhile we all tend to settle into our routines of normal everyday life like work, gym, laundry, groceries and seeing friends. We could live in the most exciting place in the world but after living there awhile it’s just inevitable that we’ll start to forget about all the cool things that are right outside our door.

Over the past year I’ve learned how valuable it is to prioritize getting out and exploring your own city. Instead of going straight home after work, because I know I won’t want to go back out again after that, I’ll sometimes go to a restaurant I’ve been wanting to try and I can’t emphasize enough how much of a difference it makes in my mood and perspective.

When we’re traveling in a new city we start each day with wide open eyes and can’t wait to get out there and take in all the city has to offer, but we can choose to have that same mindset in the places we live in too.

If I find myself in the old quarter on a weeknight for no particular reason other than I wanted to switch up my routine, I’m reminded how amazing it is that I can come here anytime I want. There is so much life and beauty to be experienced right where we are, we just have to remember to put ourselves in the way of it.

12. You Will Never Regret Following Your Heart

My absolute favorite lesson I’ve learned this year. There had been a calling deep inside me for a long time, a yearning for something more, an insatiable hunger to get out into the world. For years I kept sending that call to voicemail until my life had become quiet and still enough where I was able to hear it clearly and listen to what it had to say. The world was calling to me and saying “you can’t even imagine how much is out there just waiting for you, we’re ready and waiting for you, you coming?” All I can say is I’m so damn grateful I decided to answer that call.